I am an open book, sort of, when I want to be. I share a part of my story almost every single day (mostly Instagram). I feel like I am honest with everyone on “how things are going” but truth be told, I keep a lot to myself. A lot of the time, I do it so I can avoid conversation. #introvertsunite
Well, I need to talk a bit…
Spending month after month maintaining my weight led me to stop weighing myself all together. I haven’t stepped on a scale in three weeks (#noweighmay ?) and this will continue if I don’t purchase a battery for my scale. My weight is the least of my priorities at the moment.
My priority is my mental health. How many blog posts have I written where I talk about getting your “head right” and the weight loss will come? Well, my head is in all the wrong places. I have spent the majority of 2017 beating myself up for:
- Not being a goal weight.
- Not having a consistent workout routine.
- Not growing my blog and having to restart my IG.
- Not following through with WW meetings…
I have a lot more “nots” but any more thrown in here and I will need a massage STAT. Get it? I try to be funny, but won’t quit my day job.
I am depressed and that isn’t something easy for me to admit.
Smiling but this was actually a really bad day for me.
You know how much it sucks to compare yourself, to yourself, and you feel like you aren’t meeting that “once-you-standard” anymore? Some may say I am living in the past instead of embracing the now and that is 100% true. I am unable to appreciate the progress now because this progress isn’t how it used to be.
Boy, I feel silly just writing that all out.
This is the point in the blog where I should talk how I will be triumphant and conquer my depression and meet all my goals like a BOSS. Well kids, don’t hold your breath, because that story isn’t today. I am struggling to figure it all out and it may be awhile. It may be awhile till I lose another pound. It may be awhile till I write a blog post again. There will be days where my bed is the only solution for me. I did workout 13x in the past 30 days which is a record for me. I need to take that win and embrace the crap out of it.